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StormTheBard

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Title says all, I'm not coming back here, but I'm doing a WHOLE lot better these days! I'm still posting art, just not here and not very often because I have been incredibly busy with my final year of my Bachelor's degree. I've deleted most of my old accounts for mental health reasons and Art Fight is now a big, fat MAYBE. I might join again this year, but I will have to see what my workload is like when the time comes.


You can find me on Instagram, right here: https://www.instagram.com/gaillean_arts/


I'm also aiming to upload more to YouTube after I graduate, but that's yet to be seen. Alright! Just wanted to check in because I left in a really awful state. I'm still not perfect, but I'm definitely on the way to recovery, however long that might be. :)

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Leaving DA

5 min read

This is something I think has been a long time coming, but with Eclipse and recent changes in my life has given me the push I need to do this.


For starters, I will not be deleting this account. I will only be using it to keep up with a few comics maybe once a day or so. But that's it. No post, nothing.


I've been on this site for years, a good chunk of my life and... well, truthfully, I think the cons on my life have outweighed a lot of the good I've gotten out of this, especially over the last year. To put it simply, I've been involved in more drama and personal turmoil in the past year than I ever have in my life and I don't want that. That's not me, I don't want that stress and I don't want to be that person. So, I'm saying it right now. If I have hurt anyone in any way over the last year, I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry.


One thing that has negatively been affecting my life for years is parasocial relationships and mental/emotional abuse. Without diving too deep into things, I have relied too heavily on "friendships" with fictional characters to make me happy. I've damaged my self-esteem and taught myself to believe that I'm not worthy of genuine, good friendships. I've been in and out of therapy for years and I've finally come to the conclusion that social media and relying on fiction for happiness is not helping me.


Fandom culture has ruined me in a strange way. I became so obsessed with these things that I hurt people, neglected good, genuine friends in favour of indulging in the media that keeps my attention and I just can't keep doing that. Not now, not ever. I've had to learn that it's okay to like something, without it taking over my life. I don't need fictional characters to make me feel validated and loved, and I don't need people kissing my ass over my artwork and stories to feel like I have friends or that I'm cared about. I don't want that.


I now know who my friends are. I'm no longer jumping from one mentally taxing relationship to the other, and DA? DA hasn't helped. I can't keep going like this, so I'm moving on. I know that this site is no longer a place I can grow and improve with my craft. I will also not be doing Art Fight again for the foreseeable future and I have effectively locked my TH away from everyone except those I trust. No more.


I just want a fresh start, and I want to establish myself as me. Not as "the skeleton girl" or "that one person I can commission because it's convenient" or "the disposable friend" or even "the Warrior Cat girl" I just... want to be me. I want to have my own identity and not an identity other people place on me, certainly not the identity I built for myself over the past year. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, I don't want to remember it.


So, it's time to go. I have school to focus on, a pitch to work on and a lot of work that better reflects me. I neglected a story that means so much to me... and now I need to make it right. I have a lot of support for it from my friends, people who can point out where I'm going wrong instead of constantly telling me that it's good. Constant praise when there are glaring issues isn't helpful, I can appreciate that it comes from a good place, but it doesn't help me learn or grow.


I'm going elsewhere to post my art. I've found a place where I can build a portfolio and look for work, away from the stress. I have found places I can post my stories, should I adapt them to comics and I have found a place to post my more technical animations and showreels. The point of the matter is, I've outgrown DA. I've outgrown a lot of places I once frequented and that's just how life goes. I'm tired, and I need to rest. Take some time to appreciate the world and just... be me, be Storm, or to be more precise, be the true me, not a persona I created for the internet and for people I am probably never going to meet. Now, it's time to focus on the here, the now and the future.


So, goodbye to you all. I do appreciate those of you who have been genuinely kind to me and I am grateful that I at least met some of my best friends here, people I have known since I first started and have grown alongside. Maybe one day I will look back on my time here and smile, but for now I must bid you all a fond farewell and wish you all the best. I can only hope that you all live your best lives.


For the last time, Storm.

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UPDATES!

4 min read

Big update time because things are starting to get back on track and I'm feeling like I finally have control of my life again!


So, therapy has helped, feeling a million times better but surprisingly my classes have also helped, specifically Applied Professional Practices. Learned how to do taxes the other day and a bunch of useful information about freelance work and business skills. Feels really darn good.


SO, the big stuff. I can't tell you what my big project is yet. I don't know if it's been approved for my final year, but the pitch went extremely well and people are interested and onboard to work on it if the tutors come back and tell us that it will be the project we're working on. I still need to submit the written proposal, but the presentation itself went over better than I expected it to.


I can reveal a few details about it now. It IS a Y7+ pitch, think Avatar: The Last Airbender, Dragon Prince and She-Ra level. I chose a Y7+ range because I want to make it as accessible to as many audiences as possible. While it's targetted primarily at children, I want it to also appeal to older audiences and tackle some themes that will require close work with focus groups to ensure that I am not misrepresenting them in any way, shape or form. I'm hyper-aware that my personal knowledge of certain areas and experiences are very limited. I can only do so much with my own life experiences and will need to reach out to willing parties to learn as much as I can and expand my horizons and knowledge. I want to do people justice when it comes to representation.


There's also the fact that I know I will need to work around the limitations that studios will set on me and the team if/when this gets picked up. That's just how the animation industry works and I'm up for the challenge.


I have the beginnings of a team willing to work on this and a plan to get funding in place. This includes someone who is prepared to provide an OST, a concept artist and animators who are willing to assist with this project. While it's not inherently based on New Zealand, I'm aiming to get New Zealand VAs on board once I know how much funding I'm going to need to pay them for their hard work.


While this is in no way a finished, official product I'm aiming for, I still have to make working on it worth everyone's time. I may end up vanishing for a while to work on either this project or whichever project it is we get handed come July. Even if this pitch gets rejected THIS TIME, I'm still allowed to pursue it for my honours year. It will need to be approved by an ethics council, but given it technically was approved by one this time around, I don't imagine I'll have many issues.


This is my final year of university before I get my bachelors in animation. This is something I've been working towards for a very long time, and I'm honestly really glad that my school has made the nitty-gritty business side of things a compulsory class. It's valuable information and I feel like I've finally had the wool pulled from my eyes about what animation is and how the industry works. It's not as fluffy as younger me thought, but I'm strangely not the least bit scared about it.


If this project is chosen, I will post an announcement about it. Just know that I am incredibly excited about it and I hope I can bring you all something that you can enjoy.

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I Need A Break

4 min read

I really, really need a break. And I mean a big one. This year has thrown nothing but garbage at me for months and I can't take it anymore. I need to step back and breathe. Focus on my school work and just... refocus.


No, I am not planning to do anything bad. My mental health is not the best right now and it might be that way for a long time, but I haven't let myself fall into that trap. I am getting help. I have a support network and I am following advice that is helping me get my life back on track. But, there are VERY big changes I need to make to keep myself from falling back into a lot of traps I thought I got through years ago.


I am not associating with Fandom anymore. I haven't done so since 2018 when I finally let go of Undertale and decided to just enjoy it as it is. I have to remember that I can enjoy media without it completely taking over my life and that I can accept that the things I like are flawed. I can appreciate them for what they are and not what I want them to be. Associating with fanbases is not healthy for me as an individual. For that reason, I am also going to refuse drawing artwork associated with a lot of fanbases. Skeletons are still a-okay for me, as are Warrior Cats and Pokemon. I just do not want the stress of doing anything Fandom related.


Commissions are also going to be closed for now as well. I am just not able to keep up with the stress and pressure of taking them on right now and I will only be drawing for myself and for my class projects for the time being. I will, however, be taking part in Art Fight again this year as two of my friends have gotten me very excited for it and have been a wonderful support network for me.


On top of all of this New Zealand has been shaken by a number of earthquakes recently that has left me, well... for lack of a better word, shaken. Yes, earthquakes are common here but not to the extent that they have been lately. I am fine. I am not hurt and nothing has been damaged. But I am preparing for the worst and it's causing me even more stress.


As for my personal work, I am sinking my attention back into writing Souls. I don't know if I'll be picking the comic up again soon, but it has been something I have been considering. But, I do need to get my beta readers, tutors and classmates to give me plenty of feedback on it while I continue to try and make it the best I possibly can. It might not ever get picked up by a studio, but I swear, one day I will bring this story to the world, if not through animation then via a new and improved comic. That is my promise to myself.


I will likely still be lurking around here. I'm mostly inactive online at the moment just to preserve my mental state and focus on finding inner peace for myself. As hard as it is, I have to accept that I am going to be 24 next month, and I need to grow up a little more. Find myself a part-time job once I can get back to the city and the COVID scare has calmed down a little. I need to start planning more for the future. As scary as it is, it's what I need to do. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm almost in my third year of university and will soon have to start preparing to pitch to the school board and go through ethics approval for my honours year. I need to network, meet other animators and learn from people who know the industry.


Man... I'm rambling, this happens a lot, sorry guys. The long and short of it is, I need to step away for a little bit, not forever, but long enough to make the next steps that I need to in life and make this opportunity I have, by studying animation, work. While it's all well and good to study, I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't step out there and make my dreams a reality. I just need to rest... I'll see some of you in the Art Fight. Thank you all for sticking with me.

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I'm not sure if I'm going to leave yet, but nothing about Eclipse is sitting right with me at all. It's honestly hard for me to even look at sometimes and my head hurts.


I'm a lot more active on Toyhou.se, I post art and characters there regularly and enjoy the community there a lot more.


https://toyhou.se/StormTheBard


You can also find me on Tumblr, where I mostly reblog stuff and joke around, but I am considering revamping the art blog I abandoned.


https://storm-does-some-stuff.tumblr.com/

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Leaving DA by StormTheBard, journal

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